Another Thoughts

It wasnt a great day today nor was it worth mention. Only the desperate part of my exam when i actually tried to one way communicate with the mysterious examiner. Hmm i actually blamed him, i hope hes not upset.

Anyway, this is for most of my school mates their last exam (unfortunately not for me) and i kind of find myself in a sudden sad mood. 

Yes i do prefer to spend my time with people who actually loves me and do not ignore me etc, but all this treatment i had to face in the last months, i kinda get used to it. All im trying to say is, yes i will miss it. 

Once some random guy said to me that "eventhough you hate Egypt, you will miss it someday, you'll gonna find a reason to miss it," I answered him withouth hesitation, "maybe, but likely NO, i wont miss it, I'm happy to leave this place, why the hell should i miss this place?" He just look straight the road (he was driving me home obviously he was paid to do so) "you'll find a reason," 

I knew back then that he was right but i tried to deny all that fact because i just hate to see myself making the same mistake all over again. I hate to miss something i hate. A mistake i will never learn.

I'm a bad person. I do sins like constantly and I'm not planning to stop. I'm a bad person, i hurt most of the people i know and sometimes even those who never knew and will never know me. I'm a bad person. For hating something just because it seems so hateable. 

I'm a bad person who cling to the past, who cries for the past, regret the past and miss the past. Even if i meet another bad person who ruins my life, i always find a reason to miss them. To actually craved after them.

Sometimes i even miss strangers. 

Today, some of my friends remind me that this is the last time ill see them. Even i forget it myself (due to stress, lost sense of time and mostly unreasonable hunger). It surprised me that they remembered it. The thing is, they looked happy. I didnt expect them to look sad or pretend to be, at least i didnt expect them to be that 'hilarious'. And i find myself, overwhelm. With weird feelings i thought i wont feel but i knew that i will do. Those feelings are mix of, curiosity, pity, hunger and even sadness. Yes i felt sad. I know that i will miss them somehow. Ill find a reason to actually craved for them, to actually be the one who'll send them an email. Ill gonna find myself a reason to cry. And I'm gonna miss them, miss Egypt.

The guy was right. I hate goodbyes. Even to the most hateful person in this world, i find a way to be sad. I hate goodbyes. And i think even the most hateful person in this world, do not deserve farewells of any kind. 

The road back home was almost empty. It gave me time to watch the yellow hill scenario that blend together with the city, it gave me stolen time to think.

Maybe, i dont hate Egypt at all. Maybe, i just hate myself. For not being a better person, for not opening myself, for not take the chance of friendship and change, for being so stubborn, for stopping myself being happy, for missing all those opportunities that might change my whole life for better or worst and for not being myself all this time.

Yes, I am gonna say it out loud, yes I'm gonna miss Egypt. I'm gonna miss all those things i didn't do. All those 'no's i said and regret to say. I'm gonna miss Egypt and might cry for it. 

For im a bad person who loves to fall in love with something that cannot ever love me back. 

For im a bad person who appreciates memories too much.

For im a bad person who will love the invention of the time machine only to watch my past all over again. 

This is a confession that i dont hate you, not even a bit, hating you is just some lame excuse to escape the sad truth.

See you later Egypt, 

Arinda

The Guy Who Loves to Ask Me RANDOM Questions

WTF??

No! God no, not that kind of pervert question like "Do you have a full body shave?" 

I even doubt he knows how girls panties look like. For i bet my fingers he never had laid any interest in any sexual related thing. 

So what random questions does he asks me?

Well, you can say, its a new ritual everytime we see eachother that he always has to ask me something. That ritual was not invented by moi nor him, but by the fact that i think he couldnt find someone to ask such a question and the other fact that i talk so much. So voila, a tutor lesson of life begins...

Yesterday, he randomly said (like all his random questions moment begins)

"i wish my eyes could sent laser beams, just like Cyclops in X-men you know," As you can see he has that bound with X-men and Cyclops we normal people would never understand.

and like almost always (hang from my mood) i answered him whether

1. "i wish i had wings so big and black i could fly around the earth in 4 seconds"

2. "I wish i was dead"

3. "I wish i could kill people merely by wishing"

this time i decided for the last option.

then the random round of the random questions begins....

"I feel like people dont respect me..."

"why so?"

"i dont know i just got the feeling,"

"you have to respect yourself boy, thats the only way.  You have to both respect other and respect yourself to be respected, you cant just go around wanting to be respected while you doubt yourself, like me i dont feel respected and i dont think i mind so im not going to change this shit state im in because i dont want to. If you so want to be seen you somehow have to see others, its life, life is shit, but thats the way it is, you give you receive something back, or if youre so damn unlucky you dont receive anyting back from that unthankful person, but at the end youll receive something. I think youre being respected, its just your guess, dont stuck on it, it'll just make you down. Dont worry about others were gonna die alone anyway"

"dont be so rude" random comment

"im not being rude, im just talking in a very fast English" random excuse, as you may notice im having my period.

Second random round of the random moment....

"hey, what do you know about gifts and curses?"

hmmm is this spiritual related shit or just random things which whatever i answered would slightly change his life? Either way i have to be careful

"what do you mean?" 

"You know, in Spiderman he once said, this is my gift and my curse,..." (he somehow manages to memorize that random quote from Spiderman)

"Aha,"

"so what exactly does he meant by that?" Dont you thing its so random asking random girl whos armpit is sweating about this so random topic?

"i think that, gift he refers to is the power that he has, his stregths, his capability to do justice and his chance to be a hero to human,"

"then whats the curse?"

"i think curse is a state of mind, its not only what the dukuns can do to you, but what yourself see as a bad thing in something. Like his good gift brings him badness, he cant not be with the girl he loves (refers to Mary Jane or something), he has to live a life full of secret and caution, he had lost his grandparents."

"So like with great power comes great responsibility, the grandfather of Spiderman said it"

"yeah because everything is two sided. Like ***** shes standing there, its a gift refers to her happiness laughing with other, might be a curse, he could be hit by a ball. See the connection?"

"yeah yeah now i understand,"

Then i had to translate the meaning of a random Spiderman Soundtrack by Yellow Card

no, his English is beyond excellent, he just didnt know the inside meaning of each word, like the feeling he felt etc.

You know, talking to him is so random, it is. Mostly about Cyclops and his dearest wish to buy eyeglasses just like him. But on the other hand, he inspired me randomly. Talking to him sometimes reveal a random side of me that i never had known it existed. 

He is so random and thats why i thank him so much.

For his randomness makes my day a little bit brighter.

I think im into random questions XD

Arinda

Sesudah UAN

honey BUNNY sweety, im the bunny bunny oink oink
(even i dont know what i mean my that abstract writing above -_-)
Youre so round, you remind me of a Christmas ball hanging soullessly on a dead tree

Waaah selese juga UANnya, now what?

Fly me to the moon.....

Now what should i do?

excuse: didnt have time to learn :(

Obrol harapan

Dialogue dua orang

Nadia : Nda, kan ntar keren tuh Nda di padang pasir gitu, lo bikin poto2 

Arinda : Iya Nad, gue pengen cari temen yang suka foto juga, hahaha gue yang di poto tapi

Nadia : Ya nga papa ndaaaa kereeen

Contoh

harapan dan kenyataan beda Nad

gue capek selftimer mulu lari2 kaya orang bego 

I bet you don't

What made me me? My memory? Or the environment and mass media? Was it social control? Or is it simply faith?

This things had craved a deep hole inside my whatsoever heart

Lysander blue sky

This is the name of the sky when hes very dark blue. When i look up and see Lysander ill come to several important memories in my life such as, the night i was playing snow with my guy best friend and his sister in German, bathing outdoor in winter, the cure of PUTDUY (oh this is a deep one) and so many more. 

We will not grow old - Lenka

waktu semua orang heboh Lenka, gue udah demek sama dia (you know her too late). Shes okay. At least lagu yang satu ini masuk ke dalam hati. You now that kind of feeling you were flying? This song has the effect. Apalagi gue ketagihannya pas masa2 gue nge gym di pasaden dan BERENANG, which made it more flyly. Dan di lagunya itu gue bayangin we dan cowo, (masa2 HBL) but he doesnt has a face. He was just there while i was listening to it. Ah and he was a vampire, because gue lagi HBL FEVER VAMPIRE abis baca twilight saga in very quich 5 days zzzz

Kiss me - sixpence none the richer

ingetin gue sama jaman2 jakarta ujan, kelas 1 nanyi sama bu mel, dan jayusman. And everytime i hear this i get a long cold shiver from my back to my ear.

A pasticular boy name

jadi inget sama masa alay gue zzzzzz and i was better than now zzzzz and how i got in deep shit giving my heart to him. okay, i love you. loveD with a D. And see, i dont know why im doing this shit 

  I admit when im ugly not like others who still thinks they look better,

arinda