Another Thoughts

It wasnt a great day today nor was it worth mention. Only the desperate part of my exam when i actually tried to one way communicate with the mysterious examiner. Hmm i actually blamed him, i hope hes not upset.

Anyway, this is for most of my school mates their last exam (unfortunately not for me) and i kind of find myself in a sudden sad mood. 

Yes i do prefer to spend my time with people who actually loves me and do not ignore me etc, but all this treatment i had to face in the last months, i kinda get used to it. All im trying to say is, yes i will miss it. 

Once some random guy said to me that "eventhough you hate Egypt, you will miss it someday, you'll gonna find a reason to miss it," I answered him withouth hesitation, "maybe, but likely NO, i wont miss it, I'm happy to leave this place, why the hell should i miss this place?" He just look straight the road (he was driving me home obviously he was paid to do so) "you'll find a reason," 

I knew back then that he was right but i tried to deny all that fact because i just hate to see myself making the same mistake all over again. I hate to miss something i hate. A mistake i will never learn.

I'm a bad person. I do sins like constantly and I'm not planning to stop. I'm a bad person, i hurt most of the people i know and sometimes even those who never knew and will never know me. I'm a bad person. For hating something just because it seems so hateable. 

I'm a bad person who cling to the past, who cries for the past, regret the past and miss the past. Even if i meet another bad person who ruins my life, i always find a reason to miss them. To actually craved after them.

Sometimes i even miss strangers. 

Today, some of my friends remind me that this is the last time ill see them. Even i forget it myself (due to stress, lost sense of time and mostly unreasonable hunger). It surprised me that they remembered it. The thing is, they looked happy. I didnt expect them to look sad or pretend to be, at least i didnt expect them to be that 'hilarious'. And i find myself, overwhelm. With weird feelings i thought i wont feel but i knew that i will do. Those feelings are mix of, curiosity, pity, hunger and even sadness. Yes i felt sad. I know that i will miss them somehow. Ill find a reason to actually craved for them, to actually be the one who'll send them an email. Ill gonna find myself a reason to cry. And I'm gonna miss them, miss Egypt.

The guy was right. I hate goodbyes. Even to the most hateful person in this world, i find a way to be sad. I hate goodbyes. And i think even the most hateful person in this world, do not deserve farewells of any kind. 

The road back home was almost empty. It gave me time to watch the yellow hill scenario that blend together with the city, it gave me stolen time to think.

Maybe, i dont hate Egypt at all. Maybe, i just hate myself. For not being a better person, for not opening myself, for not take the chance of friendship and change, for being so stubborn, for stopping myself being happy, for missing all those opportunities that might change my whole life for better or worst and for not being myself all this time.

Yes, I am gonna say it out loud, yes I'm gonna miss Egypt. I'm gonna miss all those things i didn't do. All those 'no's i said and regret to say. I'm gonna miss Egypt and might cry for it. 

For im a bad person who loves to fall in love with something that cannot ever love me back. 

For im a bad person who appreciates memories too much.

For im a bad person who will love the invention of the time machine only to watch my past all over again. 

This is a confession that i dont hate you, not even a bit, hating you is just some lame excuse to escape the sad truth.

See you later Egypt, 

Arinda

Red (this post has nothing to do with period etc)

I got an issue with the color RED. Its not like i hate red, its more im kinda unlucky with red. I always wanted to have a red dress, shit yes i really do want one. Then i got one from my cousin and its lovely yes it is. Its something from a brand thats quite money-able but i wont say it because im not Dianarikasari or brandminded. Anyway, theres no problem with the dress-shirt, its just... very short to wear it without pants or legging (f@#k legging!), too tight to wear it with pants or legging (f@#k legging!), when i say too tight, i mean the kind of tightness that shape the whole damn fat in my body and force me to obviously stop breathing. Like a red second skin.

It makes me look like that bitch above. Only fattier. But the minidress she wears is kinda fine compare to the one i have. Its 15 cm shorter, tighter and reder. 

At the end i end up having no wearable red piece of cloth. So i kinda get more biased toward reds. Whatever i choose is red, for instance red nailpolish or tuna in red cans. 

One random day i remember that i had a red book, and its kind of sexy. Its my beloved Lord Of The Ring Trilogy in german, above 2000 pages that i never manage to finish. And another random book i pick because it has a nice book cover called: Whisper, (found out the book was about a skinny girl who wanted to wait for a special boy to pop up her cherry, a hypersex curvy mom, a guy that liked to sit in the roof to smoke and a ghost who was killed after having sex with the more handsome brother [the other one is retarded] )

And yes i was inspired to make something with book and red. I kind of thought about a book covert in red velvet but since we're in Egypt, im not really sure where i can get one. So i manage to beg my mom for a red leftover fabric. I made the book cover, kind of sexy yes except that i misinterpret the glue and it turned out to be quite messy and ugly. I thought, the fabric would fit if i make it all over again. WRONG. Because my mom took the leftover again to "patch something that happened to be just identical with the leftover she gave me" Leaving me struggling with no more red book.  

Shut the hell up and tell us what is it that you want to share with us:

Yapo, I just painted it all black and put some random symbol (its not 8, its the symbol eternity you morons), i did it totally the "Art Attack" way. 

Fyi, thats some random book i literally trashed out from one of my teacher's booksthatshouldgotoheavenbutipickeditup. I made a hole inside it (its very beyond messy and i hate to even look at it), and Tadaaaa a dramatic secret book was made by moi. And i did it completely manual with the help of any tutorial because i thought this idea is original (i know i know). Ill put my secret inside it just so stupid why i tell you that. 

So i can carry my illegal secret around with me and no one will ever know. I even can pass the airport dumb scanning with my sophisticated home made cocaine that blow me high in the sky i dont want to stop using it. Yes yes, im a drug addict and you dont know it, do you?

Nah, im just kidding.

Its just my 3 days uncharged Ipod.

If you happened to want to do this shit like me, you can click this >>>> CLICK <<<<< 

GOSH I WISH I KNEW THAT WEB EARLIER.

dont make the same mistake like moi, get some tutorial.

You can google anything nowadays,

Arinda

The Fatty Goes to Some Random Park

The actual purpose of my blog was to write about my daily interesting life here in Egypt. To give people insight of how it feels like living a place that you actually can call: trash can (no offense egypzians). But like any other attempt in my life, i obviously fail to even conduct something near to my original reason.

My days here are counted. In less than 3 weeks, im gonna sit in one of those airplane i always saw from down this smelly earth. Im gonna sit up there and see what other people see from above. Thus every moment here is like a pre-set memory i force my brain to remember forever. Since i dont know when the hell ill come back again (probably next year, i just wanted to sound melodramatic). So after some random exam (i forgot what subject) my driver voluntarily drove me to some park saying he wanted to show his photography talent. Whatever.

So im trying to document everything that will happen in this last weeks of mine (except those that involves me involuntarily stuck in some stupid place where i have to act nice and pretend to loathe minidresses and alcohol). You'll surely see some differences in both my physical appearance and mental. Like my boobs is bigger, i know i know random and inappropriate but please understand, i struggled the last 5 years with the thought that i might lack of girls hormone. And obviously im getting fatter, my hips so large i can hide a lamb behind me. Mental like: hmmm.. im kinda get more restless.

So please see through my want-to-look-cool-like-an-European-tourist pictures

"I hate people who claim they posses some natural talent for something, then they prove the total opposite. Why don't you shut your boring mouth and let people judge." random quotes by moi

The place i went:

If the writing was a little bit in the middle it would look fun, but hey its the walls fault for he cannot move to the position we desire (read- sarcasm). And i do really look fat. DONT TRY TO EVEN MAKE THE SOUND OF "THAT STUPID GIRL IS NOT FAT AT ALL!"oh i know what youre thinking

Thats the place, its quite nice you know. Actually i really liked it since it doesnt look like Egypt hehe btw i look ugly in that pict (sigh)

I kinda thought of a romantic kiss scene and the fact that i would look fat in those pants

This fucking place is fucking expensive and my frugal beloved mommy made it clear that: Since you lived under my four roof and still eat from the money that you father earn, you cannot ever eat in a restaurant such like this!

Handsome millionaires, please marry me.

Yap that behind me were couples. And it should look like a very funny picture from an angel I'd imagine. Some modern cultural facts: The use of mobile phones here in Egypt is very inevitable, like the use of contraceptive in gay sex (kidding). How to use it is very easy, download the most current favorite local song on your phone, turn it on to the full volume, place it in the middle of you and your lover as a personal soundtrack. Romantic isnt it? If not for the fact that all those couple behind me were doing the same thing at the same time.

The thing i like here in Egypt (except some fatty food that made me fat like this) is that the people here, do take the 5 times prayer very seriously. No matter where you are, you can always pray to God for He is always everywhere. Nice right? Kinda sad for me who commit sins beyond human imagination (beyond my moms at least). And well, the Egyptians are somehow annoying in whatever they're doing (except Omar dan Ahmed and some others) so they straighten their shits by begging for forgiveness. Nice theory.

Quite neutrally nice, isn't it?

The water did really smell

I CANT STOP LAUGHING AT THIS SHIT!

im fat yeah, but not that fat my stomach is competing against my breast!

People should've warn me before taken the shot.

more local trash. Im not into fashion nor am i fashionable, i just know that you cant be human when you decide to wear something that could make you look like a walking torch.

Except that handsome guy in Fantastic Four, obviously hes name is the Torch.

BUT SHES NOT TORCH NOR IS SHE HOT TO DRESS LIKE ILL FIRE!

ah hell, the color blindness gene is planted everywhere, time for a second Hitler's genocide. Man im kidding. But dont you think they're beyond the line of tolerable?

But wait! I look very ugly in that picture too Ha Ha.

That was a random day in May 2010, i think it was the 17 hmm... YES IT WAS! cause my beloved old daddy had his birthday that day :)

Fatty loves ice cream,

Arinda

Lesson 2 - Get the State of Mind II

I believe you thought about the shits i planted in your brain over. If not, doesnt really matter, i dont really hope and believe people would read my posts anyway.

If you already decided what path youll choose, good for you. I dont care. But i care about my selfish promise to tell you about the necessary state of mind you need to be totally build of malicious bullshits.

People are born holly. if you wanna stay that way, get religion and your own island. Die alone. 

But being evil is far more adventurous and fun and risky, the law of "what goes around comes around" (the hell i know what that bullshit means, got it from Justin Timberlake's song) do really exist somehow, so dont go around whining i didnt warn you, jerks.

Here the recipe of worlds evilness.........

*drum roll*

1. Get the state of mind

   This is harder than you thought. You have to be very aware that nothing comes without effort even evilness. Real life examples: Stalin and Hitler. Beside the fact that perhaps they do have murderers brain activity with abnormal asymmetric activity in amygdala, thalamus and hippocampus and less activity in corpus callosum compare to normal human and the probability that they have had a somehow fucking shit childhood, unhappy and full or rapes memories that cause their alpha rhythm to be above the slightly fast of 12.5 (psychotic personality), they had the effort being evil. They chose the wrong state of mind. GOD NO! i didnt tell you to be like that bastards! I just gave you an example even the demon himself, must put some effort. This effort include the right feeling and order of the big seven sins known to human:

     a. Envy

    this is absolutely damn necessary, like hell yes! Those other seven sins, are babies compare to this very beautiful feeling of evil. Why? well put it this way...

theres a rich guy, you want his money (envy), you cursed God because you feel hopeless compare to him (despair), you killed him to get all his money (greed) and curvy HIV infected wife (lust), then you live a life full of unimportant luxury (extravagance), you got really really lazy (sloth) and all those sudden anger attack comes to you any moment your blonde son asks you to play tag (wrath) and freak how you are proud of your own evil achievement (pride). oops, its more than 7.

Even if the wikipedia listed envy as number 6, i think that envy is really really inevitable. Its the most simple yet malicious from all of them. Even i feel it. Wait, I always feel it. Ha Ha

So please, be envious. Envy all the people you know. Forget what you've got. And start blame them for the lack in yourself that the other have. 

Envy envy envy

     b. As said above, blame them! blame the people, not yourself, because youre always right. Blame them to be perfect and above average, when youre just some common breadwinner to a 4 children household with a fat unsatisfying wife. Yap, start blaming. If you want to, if you happened to have a religion. blame your Beloved one. 

     c. look for their fault like to the detail. For a skinny neighbour you always envy, blame God that she looks like a model. and then, find a mistake in her being. Like, yellow teeth (even if your own are near to green). Its a simple fact but really effective. Or the fact that she doesn't have boobs, even no nipples! This will make you feel great. And exercise you hatred to the world and sharpen you tongue.

2. Use your feeling for the ultimate actions.

    Because you have to show your effort, whats the point of being envious and hateful when you dont practice and show them. Like playing the piano in front of your bored parents, just to show them that youve been exercising instead of masturbating like any other normal untalented teenagers. And if the person find you just mean and cruel, its the purpose of all this, isnt it? They dont have to know the reason why youre so cruel. Some things dont need a reason (like Monalisa and Titanic). Action Includes:

• talk bad about them
• talk bad behind their back
• look at them with disgusted look
• smile disgusted to them 
• talk about them to other people
• give them bad pet names (like bastard pig)

Note, talk bad about them is very important the real point of it all, cause even if we're turning into demons, we still dont live in a movie and intrigue (like in movies and harlequin novels) is really really high level of wickedness and very risky (I dont like risks, so never tried a real intrigue before). And please, be creative in your actions, i just wrote the few possibilities, i know that you dirtbags are more capable being nasty than me.

3. Throw away, far far away the stupid guilty feelings.

     We're not angels, it wont be that hard to not feel guilty. Just think: someone is doing bad to me also, so someone has to be bad to others (thats me), cause thats the nature of the world.

So what you do is totally normal. You do that to A, B will do that to you, this time youre not very anxious about what B did, because you have A to express all youre anger. It calls equal trade. And demons and evil people are not afraid of them.

If this dont make you feel any better than thing: If you dont do that shit stuff to that person first, then he might as well started that and your the victim. You dont like to be the victim, do you?

See, three easy steps to become a demon beginner ;)

next lesson im gonna teach you how to start talking bad about people. In: How to conduct a successful Gossip. The simple and most forgot steps.

Im not evil, i just find evil attractive,

Arinda 

Lesson 1 - GET THE STATE OF MIND I

Why should i help the bad people conquer the world?

Well, im not helping, im simply preventing you to be naive so the bad people wont rape you off.

In this world, you get always to choose between the two side, whether to be a nice simple jerk or a mean retarded jerk, your choice. But dont go on tell that you dont choose sides, "im staying cool in the middle as the neutral man" you just cant, cause at the end youre gonna prefer one side, even just a lil bit.

But let me tell you something. Being malicious and bad is not actually a bad thi

ng. How come? Lets take a look of this example:

There was this cute little girl name Cutey, and a neighbour girl who looked like a komodo (if you lack of knowledge just clik) names Komody. A new boy came to town, he was very handsome, he looked like Brad Pitt only uglier, name him Brady. Komody fell in love with Brady at the first sight, Brady saw her yes, thought her to be an extinct animal, so helplessly helped her when she almost drown in a radioactive lake. Brady went home, he saw the sexy big boobed Cutey jogging with her fat Chihuahua, and like expected fall in love with her.

Komody knew she loved Brady a lot. She somehow managed to get closer to Brady despite her misfortune being born like a dragon. Komody and Brady talked a lot, mostly about Marvel Comics gay adventures. Behind Komody's back Brady successfully flirt with the shallow Cutey and got to go with her to a nice calm movie. Nice job Brady.

Komody found pictures of Cutey in Brady's phone. Komody got jealous, acting as Brady's unofficial girlfriend (which shes not) she decided to show Cutey that Brady was hers. How? By buying poisonous snakes in a local pet shop and put them inside a pit she had dug special for Cutey.

Here comes the climax: Cutey went home from her charity work at the local orphanage (yes, the beautiful girls always seem so perfect), she walked directly to the pit. She walked over the covered in grass hole, she walked through it, nothing happened. Wondering asked Komody if she did something wrong. From her hiding behind the bushes she climbed out and went to check her trapped. She fell. And the snakes bit her.

Brady helped her once again. For her pity, the snakes didnt kill her, only burned the skin inside of her and made her looked more inhuman. Sad.

Brady and Cutey got married and the malicious Komody died as an old virgin selling second hand stuff that nobody would buy.

Think about it...

Whos the mean character here in my shallow story?

Is it Brady? yes you probably thought so, but dont you thing Brady had the choice to choose, love cannot be forced. But is love that superficial?

Is it Cutey? No definitely no, shes an angel!

Komody? Probably, but she was just jealous and she did really loved Brady from her deepest heart....

See, every single fucking thing that we do, whether its right or wrong, has its own reasons and of course, excuse.

So, why do you still thinking to spent the rest of your life as a sinless saint?

Your mean to someone without you really know it. Or you inspired someone to be mean, to you or others. Either way, being mean is being good in a selfish way, dont you think?

When Cutey was not all ignorant, she would have known about Komody right?

Maybe she knew, she just didnt make any trouble of it.

Being mean means being selfish? The hell i know, thats what you have to decide for yourself:

Whats your malicious motivation for being malicious?

Think this over, think of stories of your forgotten past, you are being bullied, you bullied someone.

Waste your time being selfish, wont you? Its quite fun.

So when your heading to your useless sleep, pleas dont forget to brush your teeth and finally think about the time that you were most insecure. Were you the angel or the demon? Either way, youre wrong in someones eyes.

Take your time and think

Im just gonna share some tips with you of how to become good in being mean

And its kind of challenging you know,

Arinda

NB: this post is specially dedicated to a guy who for fun called me mean gurl and i took him seriously

Day one written EXAM

Hallo,

Todays exam was Psychology AS paper 1. how was it? it was shit.

My day started so....

3 o'clock (note i slept daily at 12) i woke up, well not voluntarily, mom woke me up to do the night pray together. Then i study till 7. The bus picked us up. Drove to school. waited for the exam from 8 am - 4 pm. WTF? i know im asking the same thing.

so i had to wait 8 hours shit boring, full of killing revision that made me understand less and less.

Then the exam.

No, i wasnt nervous. I dont go nervous i think. its just not me. But i go blank. So bad blank i couldnt breath, everything goes black, i cant control the pen im holding.

and then the thing is with me, i dont have panic attack or so, i suffer from sloth disorder. Suddenly i felt lazy to write. Thats it. I felt lazy to move my hand, use my brain.

So overall todays exam was tiring, shit, useless and sleepy (thanks to the green curtain and the 4 pm sun effect)

The hell question no. 14 i think, Why did Albert Einstein score poorly in the IQ test?

THE HELL I KNOW! I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I SCORED SO POORLY IN EVERY FUCKING IQ TEST I DID! I DONT CARE OF SOME OLD MANS IQ!

"Genius people suffer from white hair"

Then for the fucking section B

the 10 marks questions. Holly Shit.

I prepare myself for Eve's MPD.. but it didnt came out! WHY THE HELL IS THE WORLD SO CRUEL TO ME???

spontaneously i chose Freud's Little Hans. Stuck on number b, oops i should have done Zimbardo's Prison Simulation. SHIT I CANT DO THIS.

you can guess the rest, somehow i manage to write shits on the shit sheets of paper given.

I want to sleep but i smell and i dont wanna take a bath,

Arinda

Mati Dijalan (obvious)

mati dijalan 

akang takkan pulang

mati dijalan 

jasad dibawa sungai

mati dijalan

janji dibawa kubur

mati dijalan

eneng hancur

mati dijalan 

eneng tertawa

mati dijalan

eneng menjadi gila 

nothing else to do

Arinda

NGAKAK SENDIRI JRIT HAHAHA

The Guy Who Loves to Ask Me RANDOM Questions

WTF??

No! God no, not that kind of pervert question like "Do you have a full body shave?" 

I even doubt he knows how girls panties look like. For i bet my fingers he never had laid any interest in any sexual related thing. 

So what random questions does he asks me?

Well, you can say, its a new ritual everytime we see eachother that he always has to ask me something. That ritual was not invented by moi nor him, but by the fact that i think he couldnt find someone to ask such a question and the other fact that i talk so much. So voila, a tutor lesson of life begins...

Yesterday, he randomly said (like all his random questions moment begins)

"i wish my eyes could sent laser beams, just like Cyclops in X-men you know," As you can see he has that bound with X-men and Cyclops we normal people would never understand.

and like almost always (hang from my mood) i answered him whether

1. "i wish i had wings so big and black i could fly around the earth in 4 seconds"

2. "I wish i was dead"

3. "I wish i could kill people merely by wishing"

this time i decided for the last option.

then the random round of the random questions begins....

"I feel like people dont respect me..."

"why so?"

"i dont know i just got the feeling,"

"you have to respect yourself boy, thats the only way.  You have to both respect other and respect yourself to be respected, you cant just go around wanting to be respected while you doubt yourself, like me i dont feel respected and i dont think i mind so im not going to change this shit state im in because i dont want to. If you so want to be seen you somehow have to see others, its life, life is shit, but thats the way it is, you give you receive something back, or if youre so damn unlucky you dont receive anyting back from that unthankful person, but at the end youll receive something. I think youre being respected, its just your guess, dont stuck on it, it'll just make you down. Dont worry about others were gonna die alone anyway"

"dont be so rude" random comment

"im not being rude, im just talking in a very fast English" random excuse, as you may notice im having my period.

Second random round of the random moment....

"hey, what do you know about gifts and curses?"

hmmm is this spiritual related shit or just random things which whatever i answered would slightly change his life? Either way i have to be careful

"what do you mean?" 

"You know, in Spiderman he once said, this is my gift and my curse,..." (he somehow manages to memorize that random quote from Spiderman)

"Aha,"

"so what exactly does he meant by that?" Dont you thing its so random asking random girl whos armpit is sweating about this so random topic?

"i think that, gift he refers to is the power that he has, his stregths, his capability to do justice and his chance to be a hero to human,"

"then whats the curse?"

"i think curse is a state of mind, its not only what the dukuns can do to you, but what yourself see as a bad thing in something. Like his good gift brings him badness, he cant not be with the girl he loves (refers to Mary Jane or something), he has to live a life full of secret and caution, he had lost his grandparents."

"So like with great power comes great responsibility, the grandfather of Spiderman said it"

"yeah because everything is two sided. Like ***** shes standing there, its a gift refers to her happiness laughing with other, might be a curse, he could be hit by a ball. See the connection?"

"yeah yeah now i understand,"

Then i had to translate the meaning of a random Spiderman Soundtrack by Yellow Card

no, his English is beyond excellent, he just didnt know the inside meaning of each word, like the feeling he felt etc.

You know, talking to him is so random, it is. Mostly about Cyclops and his dearest wish to buy eyeglasses just like him. But on the other hand, he inspired me randomly. Talking to him sometimes reveal a random side of me that i never had known it existed. 

He is so random and thats why i thank him so much.

For his randomness makes my day a little bit brighter.

I think im into random questions XD

Arinda