Maybe.. (the most saddest excuse for a tittle)

Oh god i know no one reads my blog any more.

hey, maybe thats a great reason to write again.

3 posts ago, i think, the last post i wrote when i was in Cairo, i was reading through it quickly and wow, you wont believe what i felt, i felt like i was living in a dream. Nothing seems real anymore. Im not sure whether this is the dream or the cairo part is the dream, either way when the future comes and you flash back to the old days of your fucking boring past, you wonder, how the hell did i manage to get through that crazy asssucking days??? I thought i was gonna be dead by the end of the year.

Life is so random man, i swear to you. Maybe what i had is some kind of an enlightenment from the Lord whos trying to tell me the reason why we exist. Well, i dont have the answer yet, but trust me, that is the the first thing im gonna ask Him when i arrive at the heavens gate (when i arrive, but im sure ill go to Jahanam first, sad if you know it before you should know it)

Anyway, i was kinda innocent huh, saying "i was born decent" and bla bla bla, saying i wasnt mentally and physically ready. People dont have to be ready to make a funny step out of their dull life. You can have the life you want to live too, when youre courageous enough to face the sad truth that theres always gonna be Emma Watson whos gonna be above you in freaking everything.

Its starting to get harmful nowadays, ironic when i remember how i assured people that i only attract nice, nerdy and innocent human being. Ironic when i remember i dont like to wear dresses and frigging slut heels.

Ironic how i like my life now.

I could tell you everything. Every funny little scenes that happened to me, but trust me, you dont wanna know. Cause maybe you might be too close minded to understand, or in worst case you gonna tell everyone and i will be sent back to the last place i wanna be, Alaska, reading the Quran alone inside an ice cold igloo with no poster of nude Johny Depp.

are you confused and irritated?

Me too

Ironic kisses and hugs,

Arinda

Hallo

Saya sedang dikelas bersama teman2 saya. Pelajaran sekarang adalah Intro to PR dan teman2 sinting saya sedang 'chat dengan kertas' dengan orang anonymous kelas sebelas. bener2 deh.

tapi gue sayang mereka lho. i really love them. not that im cheap or something but it eassy for me to love friends!!

ah and my life s turning 180 degree. all the thing i dont do, i do it now in a constant sick proportion.

Im 17 and big enough :)

random birth in 1993

Well i owe some explanations of what happened this past weeks. Maybe in the next post, im not into talking about my stupid being.

Im 17. I keep repeating that stuff when i forget why the hell i should make a driver license. And why am i getting my own bank account. Also the legal age in Europe and America to be able to move out from parents four wall and cohabit with either opposite-sex partner or same-sex partner (a totally made up law, if im right then wow). They also made a movie about a 40-years-old-virgin (tittle: 40 years old virgin), poor ugly old man, lucky im a fresh 17 years old girl.

Anyway, im 17 and i have the right to love. 

Okay, i totally hate bullshits about couples who find themselves totally eternal, but i never said that this love i have would be everlasting. im just saying its very sweet. and i love to love this fucking pervert (private joke, i dont expect u to understand, dumbasses :p)

i decide to separate this ugly post with the one i wanted you to read,

Arinda

The Week

7th June 2010

This is the day all the struggling for that stupid psycho and sociology would be shown. Either by a good chance of not getting an U or a bad chance of getting an U. The day started like any other insomniac day i had in this last weeks. I slept very late, woke very early. and the fact that i found out that im not in the criteria of gifted children, might suffer from mania and dyslexia did not made my day brighter. 

I slept in the car like always and woke up in surprise when my dream were becoming more bizarre: my hair turned into mayonnaise with green things. I woke up saying "i want to puke" yeah and thats were it all started: the acid in my stomach plays crazy.

In the sociology exam were i just happened to open the book 2 and half hours ago, i found myself writing the centre number all wrong: EG099, where 099 suppose to be my old centre number in Indonesia (ID099). I didnt change it cause i couldnt find whats wrong with that until late in the evening.

2 hours before the psycho exam i had the chance to start reading about education. Fyi, in AL you shouldve at least do the syllabus in one year. i couldnt do it in 2 hours, OF COURSE NOT! 

But i couldnt rest my mind by thinking i totally deserted the education part, so at least i read some shit about it and revise schizophrenia and abnormal affect. And found out once again that im a good candidate for schizophrenia. Nice life. and the acid in my stomach couldnt stay in its place, i almost vomit but didn't because i just couldnt stand to explain people what was the matter with me.

Anyway, the shit part of somatoform disorder (the easiest therefore i skipped it) came and i couldnt answer so stupidly i did the diagnosing mental disorder which i totally hate and prayed that it wont come. Then i answer stuff about anxiety disorder because everything else that i learned never came. IRONIC. 

8th June

In the morning i got shouted by that random old bitchwitch.

"Are you arinda?"

"yes"

"Of course you are Arinda! Are you aware what youve done?"

"hmm no"

"Whats your ID number?" 

"1345"

"ah 1345 but yesterday it wasnt 1345"

"hah? yes it was"

"no! you write a totally different number,"

"how come? I dont remember"

"Thats what i wanna ask you! i almost wrote you absent! if my partner hadnt read your name! you wouldnt be able to get your grades,"

"Wow, i just remember writing the centre number wrong"

"just your centre number?!"

"yeah"

"You like to make up things, huh?!"

Miss this is an exam which i willingly risk years in prison if commit arson would actually stop it. I dont joke for an exam that had almost drain my brain and replace my kidney. I just dont joke. 

another reason why im sure i have dyscalculia or dyslexia. And i might suffer from hyperactive stomach acid.

9th June

very random, i forget about that day except i spent most of the day in front of simek and fell asleep whenever i feel my stomach is kicking me to hell.

10th June

Ah its yesterday! I had my farewell with Miss Samah my favorite german teacher whom i think loves me too and Miss Amal my principle who told me i was her favorite student. But of course they love me! Im a foreigner dammit not an Egyptian. The stomach acid thing got worst.

In the night i went randomly out with Auli, Yudi and Ka Aiman (the one that you can click in my 'escapes' links). I almost forget that boys are humans to except for their little birdie part that makes them a monster. kidding. I mean i spent 10 months believing that you can get pregnant by just looking at your opposite sex. So a random night out with 3 guys is kinda weird. 

The moral of that day was that i was not born to fit the high standard of any 'famous' society. I was born very decent and i will stay that way. Im mentally and physically not ready.

So i dont think AP would ever fall in love with me or the dream of meeting Vino G :'(

11th June

LAST EXAM! HOORAY! except that bad stomach tension, it went pretty well.

and i had to bring a book to the stage in the Cairo Opera. The procedure was me bringing a 2.5 kg heavy book to a random man and disappear. I wore an Aceh Sawerma Pants Traditional Clothes That Makes Me Looked More Shorter. 

I just realized i miss the adrenaline of performing on the stage :( and get applauded and the struggle to become as perfect as possible and THE AFTER PARTY! but hey! i so untalented i dont even belong to the audience. 

Then it hit me that i might miss Cairo (i know2 once again)

For just a few reasons like Bunga, Pinkan, Karina, Fully, Auli, Yudi, others that make me actually feel welcomed et al 

the et al was just some random typos lol 

And tomorrow is the 11th right?

Times so fast! Why do you have to hurry when i want it slower. Stupid time!

I wish i was Priscilla Ahn,

Arinda

Another random night

since no one read my blog, at least not those persons that i wish would care about my writings, i decided to tell something in this very boring night, where i should be.... yeah... learning... ah shit dont remind me of that ARGH!

Im in a stage of life that Freud might call the Genital Stage where my biggest pleasure should be gain by having heterosexual relationships...okay.... anyway, simple people just called that shit of psychodynamic approach as PUBERTY, so do I. 

So what happens in this stage: Conflicts. Yeah . Thats what most of the pubertans would like and love and seek and want and wish to experience. Dont tell me "we never like problems" you know that what makes your life life are problems that are actually eating your mental right?? RIGHT? 

Im just a 17 years old bitch who happens to be very bored and has nothing to do than talking about people, spreading gossips and watching porn (that last point was just a corny joke to enhance your mood). But i really do like to observe, yeah, somehow i care about my environment and thus, im kinda specialized in the subject of: how teenagers deal with life.

This is the result i had observe:

1. Teenagers LOVE to seek problems....

    What? Why? How come? Easy, just admit it to yourself. You could GOSH HAVE A NICE SIMPLE LIFE AND SAFELY GOING TO THIS BULLSHIT STAGE, but most of you (declude me, because im kinda passive toward the word: life) love to make everything so much complicated that its already is. You dont believe me? Of course not! Since when it is easy to admit that most of your problem is your own wish which will make your life plot seems so fake. You know it better than me teenage pals, you could have it so much simpler....

2. Teenagers LOVE to exaggerate problems.....

    HAH?? NO WAY! YES WAY JERKS. Thats what youre talented to do. Teenagers are like parasites. They exaggerate. If theres a problem (that they were wishing to have) they abruptly do it worst! By well, exaggerating. 

Example.... I have a friend who has a friend (im talking about my friend but i like to make it complicated [im still a teenager] so you wont know im talking about my friend), the friend told my friend a story, he absolutely told his friend very wise advices for his friend problems. Then my friend, he came to me all spoiled about his decisions consequences and will not hear that there are like zillions of people that have it worst than him, he wants to be the one whos suffering, he voluntarily create this fucking state of mind, HES EXAGGERATING! The point is, a teenager knows their friends is exaggerating, but they do not know: That they do it themselves. 

 .... okay2 im a teenager too, i admit, i do that stuff too....

3. Teenagers LOVE to show their problems

    Dont believe me? Check your twitter. 

4. Teenagers LOVE to fall in LOVE

    Tell me how many times did you say: I love you. How many nights did thought: He surely is the one. How many dirty thoughts you had about him??

5. Teenagers LOVE to fall out LOVE

    How many gallons of tears did you shed when you recognize he doesnt love you? Hmm, the real question is: how many lover did you have? how many of them did you actually love? how many of them did you lie to? How many of them lalalalala ask whatever you want, sky is your limit. But the point is: you LOVE to seek for other lovers, you actually adores you, worships you, feeds you,.... You fall in love to fall out of it, you fall out to just fall in love again.

6. Teenagers LOVE to think their current life is the ultimate life

     Meaning? Im not sure myself. Its just i know that teenagers love to think that their having the best years of their pathetic life, dont they? 

7. Teenagers LOVE to act mature

     OMG THIS IS SO TRUE! Like a friend of mine who got her first BF with 10, first a lil touch on her boobs with 11 and ultimate adult make out with 12. She thought, with 12 you should be very mature. I was 11 back then, and i was casted out for being very immature and childish. 

Well, this result might be bias and might contain personal interpretation therefore unreliable, but still you know that this point meets some people.

8. Teenagers LOVE to be unique

9. Teenagers LOVE to be einmalig

10. Teenagers LOVE to be special

6-8 is totally proven by Justin Bieber. Wait, how old is he? 7? Well hes not in puberty yet. Well then take Miley Cyrus as an example or the Jonas Siblings.

Actually this post is trash. I just wanted to share with you how much i need a guys attention! that i feel so unloved, unlovable, ignored, forgotten, lonely etc 

well yeah i still have a guy

but im still in puberty right? I can hallucinate problems, i have the right to claim whatever teenager right i might have. Because im 17.

Life is a long journey, puberty is just so short stop,

Arinda

Relaunch Nona Moochie!

Hai Manusia Manusia Penuh Dosa,

Sudah lama ya nona tidak mengpost untuk kalian katolog menyenangkan para lalaki gantang hangat dari oven bernama surga. Sudah lama sekali rasanya terakhir kali nona menulis keterangan detail tentang para dewa yunani di katalog Kolam Madu nona. Aduh waktu benar benar jahat. 

Ceritanya singkat para mucikers, tahun ini nona sangat sibuk membangun cabang permucian di kota Kairo ini. Disini untuk membangun rumah megah isinya lalaki gantang bener2 butuh ijin yang berlebihan, yang nona harus membuktikan kegantangan para pekerja nona lah, yang nona harus bayar harga diri nona kepada para menteri pajak dan bagunan, huh melelahkan. 

Tapi tentu semua tak sia-sia, bila hasilnya adalah semua gedung khusus lalaki timur tengah untuk target market para mucikers yang kesepian. Sayangnya untuk mencari pekerja timur tengah juga agak sulit ngurusinnya, seperti surat dokter kesehatan (full body) dan paling nga 500 jam di gym dengan diet super ketat. Jadi untuk memuaskan mucikers yang berselera timur tengah, nona dengan sangat menyesel memohon maaf akan ke telatan service sepesial ini.

Ah dan iya, udah ofisial bahwa emang nona sudah melepas masa lajangnya.... Aduh gimana jelasinnya yaaaa. NO! nona belum nikah lah jelas! belum waktunya. walau nona sudah separuh baya, nona masih punya little boys that i have to take care of hihi 

but theres that one guy. Ah dia bener-bener membuat hati nona melayang tinggi ke langit dan tidak seperti pekerja nona yang visual, dia selalu ada physical buat nona.. hmmmm

Oooops! kamu masuk masukin aja deh poto kamu sendiri! kan aku udah bilang ini post private nona, nga boleh ada poto pekerja. Hapus nga ya.... hapus ga ya..... nanti mister germs tau lagi! ah sudah lah resiko pekerjaan.

Itu pekerja none nomer ST/013/04, biasa kodenya harus kompleks agar tidah ketuker2, pekerja nona kan banyak. Yang ini ya.... hmm masih muda yang jelas dan masih agak kekanak-kanakan tapi dia cukup mahir dalam membahagiakan. Nona ambil dia langsung dari perkebunan anak gantang yang hidup sendiri dan kesepian alias panti asuhan. Nona asuh, jadilah lalaki pujaan hati kaum hawa ini. Ah kau lalaki, ah kau ingin ku duduk di sofa itu bersamamu hanya untuk menikmati napas wangimu dan gejolak dadamu yang naik turun ketika mengambil dan menghirup napas. 

Aduh kenapa malah memikirkan di ST/103/04??? Nona kan mau memberikan cerita bahwa nona sudah kembali lagi ke jalan penuh rintangan berdosa ini. 

Ayo para mucikers, mari memesan.....

Katalog selanjutnya adalah "Kolam Madu Bakat Muda" 

Untuk dirimu selalu, 

Nona Moocie xxoo

Another Thoughts

It wasnt a great day today nor was it worth mention. Only the desperate part of my exam when i actually tried to one way communicate with the mysterious examiner. Hmm i actually blamed him, i hope hes not upset.

Anyway, this is for most of my school mates their last exam (unfortunately not for me) and i kind of find myself in a sudden sad mood. 

Yes i do prefer to spend my time with people who actually loves me and do not ignore me etc, but all this treatment i had to face in the last months, i kinda get used to it. All im trying to say is, yes i will miss it. 

Once some random guy said to me that "eventhough you hate Egypt, you will miss it someday, you'll gonna find a reason to miss it," I answered him withouth hesitation, "maybe, but likely NO, i wont miss it, I'm happy to leave this place, why the hell should i miss this place?" He just look straight the road (he was driving me home obviously he was paid to do so) "you'll find a reason," 

I knew back then that he was right but i tried to deny all that fact because i just hate to see myself making the same mistake all over again. I hate to miss something i hate. A mistake i will never learn.

I'm a bad person. I do sins like constantly and I'm not planning to stop. I'm a bad person, i hurt most of the people i know and sometimes even those who never knew and will never know me. I'm a bad person. For hating something just because it seems so hateable. 

I'm a bad person who cling to the past, who cries for the past, regret the past and miss the past. Even if i meet another bad person who ruins my life, i always find a reason to miss them. To actually craved after them.

Sometimes i even miss strangers. 

Today, some of my friends remind me that this is the last time ill see them. Even i forget it myself (due to stress, lost sense of time and mostly unreasonable hunger). It surprised me that they remembered it. The thing is, they looked happy. I didnt expect them to look sad or pretend to be, at least i didnt expect them to be that 'hilarious'. And i find myself, overwhelm. With weird feelings i thought i wont feel but i knew that i will do. Those feelings are mix of, curiosity, pity, hunger and even sadness. Yes i felt sad. I know that i will miss them somehow. Ill find a reason to actually craved for them, to actually be the one who'll send them an email. Ill gonna find myself a reason to cry. And I'm gonna miss them, miss Egypt.

The guy was right. I hate goodbyes. Even to the most hateful person in this world, i find a way to be sad. I hate goodbyes. And i think even the most hateful person in this world, do not deserve farewells of any kind. 

The road back home was almost empty. It gave me time to watch the yellow hill scenario that blend together with the city, it gave me stolen time to think.

Maybe, i dont hate Egypt at all. Maybe, i just hate myself. For not being a better person, for not opening myself, for not take the chance of friendship and change, for being so stubborn, for stopping myself being happy, for missing all those opportunities that might change my whole life for better or worst and for not being myself all this time.

Yes, I am gonna say it out loud, yes I'm gonna miss Egypt. I'm gonna miss all those things i didn't do. All those 'no's i said and regret to say. I'm gonna miss Egypt and might cry for it. 

For im a bad person who loves to fall in love with something that cannot ever love me back. 

For im a bad person who appreciates memories too much.

For im a bad person who will love the invention of the time machine only to watch my past all over again. 

This is a confession that i dont hate you, not even a bit, hating you is just some lame excuse to escape the sad truth.

See you later Egypt, 

Arinda

Red (this post has nothing to do with period etc)

I got an issue with the color RED. Its not like i hate red, its more im kinda unlucky with red. I always wanted to have a red dress, shit yes i really do want one. Then i got one from my cousin and its lovely yes it is. Its something from a brand thats quite money-able but i wont say it because im not Dianarikasari or brandminded. Anyway, theres no problem with the dress-shirt, its just... very short to wear it without pants or legging (f@#k legging!), too tight to wear it with pants or legging (f@#k legging!), when i say too tight, i mean the kind of tightness that shape the whole damn fat in my body and force me to obviously stop breathing. Like a red second skin.

It makes me look like that bitch above. Only fattier. But the minidress she wears is kinda fine compare to the one i have. Its 15 cm shorter, tighter and reder. 

At the end i end up having no wearable red piece of cloth. So i kinda get more biased toward reds. Whatever i choose is red, for instance red nailpolish or tuna in red cans. 

One random day i remember that i had a red book, and its kind of sexy. Its my beloved Lord Of The Ring Trilogy in german, above 2000 pages that i never manage to finish. And another random book i pick because it has a nice book cover called: Whisper, (found out the book was about a skinny girl who wanted to wait for a special boy to pop up her cherry, a hypersex curvy mom, a guy that liked to sit in the roof to smoke and a ghost who was killed after having sex with the more handsome brother [the other one is retarded] )

And yes i was inspired to make something with book and red. I kind of thought about a book covert in red velvet but since we're in Egypt, im not really sure where i can get one. So i manage to beg my mom for a red leftover fabric. I made the book cover, kind of sexy yes except that i misinterpret the glue and it turned out to be quite messy and ugly. I thought, the fabric would fit if i make it all over again. WRONG. Because my mom took the leftover again to "patch something that happened to be just identical with the leftover she gave me" Leaving me struggling with no more red book.  

Shut the hell up and tell us what is it that you want to share with us:

Yapo, I just painted it all black and put some random symbol (its not 8, its the symbol eternity you morons), i did it totally the "Art Attack" way. 

Fyi, thats some random book i literally trashed out from one of my teacher's booksthatshouldgotoheavenbutipickeditup. I made a hole inside it (its very beyond messy and i hate to even look at it), and Tadaaaa a dramatic secret book was made by moi. And i did it completely manual with the help of any tutorial because i thought this idea is original (i know i know). Ill put my secret inside it just so stupid why i tell you that. 

So i can carry my illegal secret around with me and no one will ever know. I even can pass the airport dumb scanning with my sophisticated home made cocaine that blow me high in the sky i dont want to stop using it. Yes yes, im a drug addict and you dont know it, do you?

Nah, im just kidding.

Its just my 3 days uncharged Ipod.

If you happened to want to do this shit like me, you can click this >>>> CLICK <<<<< 

GOSH I WISH I KNEW THAT WEB EARLIER.

dont make the same mistake like moi, get some tutorial.

You can google anything nowadays,

Arinda

The Fatty Goes to Some Random Park

The actual purpose of my blog was to write about my daily interesting life here in Egypt. To give people insight of how it feels like living a place that you actually can call: trash can (no offense egypzians). But like any other attempt in my life, i obviously fail to even conduct something near to my original reason.

My days here are counted. In less than 3 weeks, im gonna sit in one of those airplane i always saw from down this smelly earth. Im gonna sit up there and see what other people see from above. Thus every moment here is like a pre-set memory i force my brain to remember forever. Since i dont know when the hell ill come back again (probably next year, i just wanted to sound melodramatic). So after some random exam (i forgot what subject) my driver voluntarily drove me to some park saying he wanted to show his photography talent. Whatever.

So im trying to document everything that will happen in this last weeks of mine (except those that involves me involuntarily stuck in some stupid place where i have to act nice and pretend to loathe minidresses and alcohol). You'll surely see some differences in both my physical appearance and mental. Like my boobs is bigger, i know i know random and inappropriate but please understand, i struggled the last 5 years with the thought that i might lack of girls hormone. And obviously im getting fatter, my hips so large i can hide a lamb behind me. Mental like: hmmm.. im kinda get more restless.

So please see through my want-to-look-cool-like-an-European-tourist pictures

"I hate people who claim they posses some natural talent for something, then they prove the total opposite. Why don't you shut your boring mouth and let people judge." random quotes by moi

The place i went:

If the writing was a little bit in the middle it would look fun, but hey its the walls fault for he cannot move to the position we desire (read- sarcasm). And i do really look fat. DONT TRY TO EVEN MAKE THE SOUND OF "THAT STUPID GIRL IS NOT FAT AT ALL!"oh i know what youre thinking

Thats the place, its quite nice you know. Actually i really liked it since it doesnt look like Egypt hehe btw i look ugly in that pict (sigh)

I kinda thought of a romantic kiss scene and the fact that i would look fat in those pants

This fucking place is fucking expensive and my frugal beloved mommy made it clear that: Since you lived under my four roof and still eat from the money that you father earn, you cannot ever eat in a restaurant such like this!

Handsome millionaires, please marry me.

Yap that behind me were couples. And it should look like a very funny picture from an angel I'd imagine. Some modern cultural facts: The use of mobile phones here in Egypt is very inevitable, like the use of contraceptive in gay sex (kidding). How to use it is very easy, download the most current favorite local song on your phone, turn it on to the full volume, place it in the middle of you and your lover as a personal soundtrack. Romantic isnt it? If not for the fact that all those couple behind me were doing the same thing at the same time.

The thing i like here in Egypt (except some fatty food that made me fat like this) is that the people here, do take the 5 times prayer very seriously. No matter where you are, you can always pray to God for He is always everywhere. Nice right? Kinda sad for me who commit sins beyond human imagination (beyond my moms at least). And well, the Egyptians are somehow annoying in whatever they're doing (except Omar dan Ahmed and some others) so they straighten their shits by begging for forgiveness. Nice theory.

Quite neutrally nice, isn't it?

The water did really smell

I CANT STOP LAUGHING AT THIS SHIT!

im fat yeah, but not that fat my stomach is competing against my breast!

People should've warn me before taken the shot.

more local trash. Im not into fashion nor am i fashionable, i just know that you cant be human when you decide to wear something that could make you look like a walking torch.

Except that handsome guy in Fantastic Four, obviously hes name is the Torch.

BUT SHES NOT TORCH NOR IS SHE HOT TO DRESS LIKE ILL FIRE!

ah hell, the color blindness gene is planted everywhere, time for a second Hitler's genocide. Man im kidding. But dont you think they're beyond the line of tolerable?

But wait! I look very ugly in that picture too Ha Ha.

That was a random day in May 2010, i think it was the 17 hmm... YES IT WAS! cause my beloved old daddy had his birthday that day :)

Fatty loves ice cream,

Arinda

Lesson 2 - Get the State of Mind II

I believe you thought about the shits i planted in your brain over. If not, doesnt really matter, i dont really hope and believe people would read my posts anyway.

If you already decided what path youll choose, good for you. I dont care. But i care about my selfish promise to tell you about the necessary state of mind you need to be totally build of malicious bullshits.

People are born holly. if you wanna stay that way, get religion and your own island. Die alone. 

But being evil is far more adventurous and fun and risky, the law of "what goes around comes around" (the hell i know what that bullshit means, got it from Justin Timberlake's song) do really exist somehow, so dont go around whining i didnt warn you, jerks.

Here the recipe of worlds evilness.........

*drum roll*

1. Get the state of mind

   This is harder than you thought. You have to be very aware that nothing comes without effort even evilness. Real life examples: Stalin and Hitler. Beside the fact that perhaps they do have murderers brain activity with abnormal asymmetric activity in amygdala, thalamus and hippocampus and less activity in corpus callosum compare to normal human and the probability that they have had a somehow fucking shit childhood, unhappy and full or rapes memories that cause their alpha rhythm to be above the slightly fast of 12.5 (psychotic personality), they had the effort being evil. They chose the wrong state of mind. GOD NO! i didnt tell you to be like that bastards! I just gave you an example even the demon himself, must put some effort. This effort include the right feeling and order of the big seven sins known to human:

     a. Envy

    this is absolutely damn necessary, like hell yes! Those other seven sins, are babies compare to this very beautiful feeling of evil. Why? well put it this way...

theres a rich guy, you want his money (envy), you cursed God because you feel hopeless compare to him (despair), you killed him to get all his money (greed) and curvy HIV infected wife (lust), then you live a life full of unimportant luxury (extravagance), you got really really lazy (sloth) and all those sudden anger attack comes to you any moment your blonde son asks you to play tag (wrath) and freak how you are proud of your own evil achievement (pride). oops, its more than 7.

Even if the wikipedia listed envy as number 6, i think that envy is really really inevitable. Its the most simple yet malicious from all of them. Even i feel it. Wait, I always feel it. Ha Ha

So please, be envious. Envy all the people you know. Forget what you've got. And start blame them for the lack in yourself that the other have. 

Envy envy envy

     b. As said above, blame them! blame the people, not yourself, because youre always right. Blame them to be perfect and above average, when youre just some common breadwinner to a 4 children household with a fat unsatisfying wife. Yap, start blaming. If you want to, if you happened to have a religion. blame your Beloved one. 

     c. look for their fault like to the detail. For a skinny neighbour you always envy, blame God that she looks like a model. and then, find a mistake in her being. Like, yellow teeth (even if your own are near to green). Its a simple fact but really effective. Or the fact that she doesn't have boobs, even no nipples! This will make you feel great. And exercise you hatred to the world and sharpen you tongue.

2. Use your feeling for the ultimate actions.

    Because you have to show your effort, whats the point of being envious and hateful when you dont practice and show them. Like playing the piano in front of your bored parents, just to show them that youve been exercising instead of masturbating like any other normal untalented teenagers. And if the person find you just mean and cruel, its the purpose of all this, isnt it? They dont have to know the reason why youre so cruel. Some things dont need a reason (like Monalisa and Titanic). Action Includes:

• talk bad about them
• talk bad behind their back
• look at them with disgusted look
• smile disgusted to them 
• talk about them to other people
• give them bad pet names (like bastard pig)

Note, talk bad about them is very important the real point of it all, cause even if we're turning into demons, we still dont live in a movie and intrigue (like in movies and harlequin novels) is really really high level of wickedness and very risky (I dont like risks, so never tried a real intrigue before). And please, be creative in your actions, i just wrote the few possibilities, i know that you dirtbags are more capable being nasty than me.

3. Throw away, far far away the stupid guilty feelings.

     We're not angels, it wont be that hard to not feel guilty. Just think: someone is doing bad to me also, so someone has to be bad to others (thats me), cause thats the nature of the world.

So what you do is totally normal. You do that to A, B will do that to you, this time youre not very anxious about what B did, because you have A to express all youre anger. It calls equal trade. And demons and evil people are not afraid of them.

If this dont make you feel any better than thing: If you dont do that shit stuff to that person first, then he might as well started that and your the victim. You dont like to be the victim, do you?

See, three easy steps to become a demon beginner ;)

next lesson im gonna teach you how to start talking bad about people. In: How to conduct a successful Gossip. The simple and most forgot steps.

Im not evil, i just find evil attractive,

Arinda 

Lesson 1 - GET THE STATE OF MIND I

Why should i help the bad people conquer the world?

Well, im not helping, im simply preventing you to be naive so the bad people wont rape you off.

In this world, you get always to choose between the two side, whether to be a nice simple jerk or a mean retarded jerk, your choice. But dont go on tell that you dont choose sides, "im staying cool in the middle as the neutral man" you just cant, cause at the end youre gonna prefer one side, even just a lil bit.

But let me tell you something. Being malicious and bad is not actually a bad thi

ng. How come? Lets take a look of this example:

There was this cute little girl name Cutey, and a neighbour girl who looked like a komodo (if you lack of knowledge just clik) names Komody. A new boy came to town, he was very handsome, he looked like Brad Pitt only uglier, name him Brady. Komody fell in love with Brady at the first sight, Brady saw her yes, thought her to be an extinct animal, so helplessly helped her when she almost drown in a radioactive lake. Brady went home, he saw the sexy big boobed Cutey jogging with her fat Chihuahua, and like expected fall in love with her.

Komody knew she loved Brady a lot. She somehow managed to get closer to Brady despite her misfortune being born like a dragon. Komody and Brady talked a lot, mostly about Marvel Comics gay adventures. Behind Komody's back Brady successfully flirt with the shallow Cutey and got to go with her to a nice calm movie. Nice job Brady.

Komody found pictures of Cutey in Brady's phone. Komody got jealous, acting as Brady's unofficial girlfriend (which shes not) she decided to show Cutey that Brady was hers. How? By buying poisonous snakes in a local pet shop and put them inside a pit she had dug special for Cutey.

Here comes the climax: Cutey went home from her charity work at the local orphanage (yes, the beautiful girls always seem so perfect), she walked directly to the pit. She walked over the covered in grass hole, she walked through it, nothing happened. Wondering asked Komody if she did something wrong. From her hiding behind the bushes she climbed out and went to check her trapped. She fell. And the snakes bit her.

Brady helped her once again. For her pity, the snakes didnt kill her, only burned the skin inside of her and made her looked more inhuman. Sad.

Brady and Cutey got married and the malicious Komody died as an old virgin selling second hand stuff that nobody would buy.

Think about it...

Whos the mean character here in my shallow story?

Is it Brady? yes you probably thought so, but dont you thing Brady had the choice to choose, love cannot be forced. But is love that superficial?

Is it Cutey? No definitely no, shes an angel!

Komody? Probably, but she was just jealous and she did really loved Brady from her deepest heart....

See, every single fucking thing that we do, whether its right or wrong, has its own reasons and of course, excuse.

So, why do you still thinking to spent the rest of your life as a sinless saint?

Your mean to someone without you really know it. Or you inspired someone to be mean, to you or others. Either way, being mean is being good in a selfish way, dont you think?

When Cutey was not all ignorant, she would have known about Komody right?

Maybe she knew, she just didnt make any trouble of it.

Being mean means being selfish? The hell i know, thats what you have to decide for yourself:

Whats your malicious motivation for being malicious?

Think this over, think of stories of your forgotten past, you are being bullied, you bullied someone.

Waste your time being selfish, wont you? Its quite fun.

So when your heading to your useless sleep, pleas dont forget to brush your teeth and finally think about the time that you were most insecure. Were you the angel or the demon? Either way, youre wrong in someones eyes.

Take your time and think

Im just gonna share some tips with you of how to become good in being mean

And its kind of challenging you know,

Arinda

NB: this post is specially dedicated to a guy who for fun called me mean gurl and i took him seriously

Day one written EXAM

Hallo,

Todays exam was Psychology AS paper 1. how was it? it was shit.

My day started so....

3 o'clock (note i slept daily at 12) i woke up, well not voluntarily, mom woke me up to do the night pray together. Then i study till 7. The bus picked us up. Drove to school. waited for the exam from 8 am - 4 pm. WTF? i know im asking the same thing.

so i had to wait 8 hours shit boring, full of killing revision that made me understand less and less.

Then the exam.

No, i wasnt nervous. I dont go nervous i think. its just not me. But i go blank. So bad blank i couldnt breath, everything goes black, i cant control the pen im holding.

and then the thing is with me, i dont have panic attack or so, i suffer from sloth disorder. Suddenly i felt lazy to write. Thats it. I felt lazy to move my hand, use my brain.

So overall todays exam was tiring, shit, useless and sleepy (thanks to the green curtain and the 4 pm sun effect)

The hell question no. 14 i think, Why did Albert Einstein score poorly in the IQ test?

THE HELL I KNOW! I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I SCORED SO POORLY IN EVERY FUCKING IQ TEST I DID! I DONT CARE OF SOME OLD MANS IQ!

"Genius people suffer from white hair"

Then for the fucking section B

the 10 marks questions. Holly Shit.

I prepare myself for Eve's MPD.. but it didnt came out! WHY THE HELL IS THE WORLD SO CRUEL TO ME???

spontaneously i chose Freud's Little Hans. Stuck on number b, oops i should have done Zimbardo's Prison Simulation. SHIT I CANT DO THIS.

you can guess the rest, somehow i manage to write shits on the shit sheets of paper given.

I want to sleep but i smell and i dont wanna take a bath,

Arinda

Mati Dijalan (obvious)

mati dijalan 

akang takkan pulang

mati dijalan 

jasad dibawa sungai

mati dijalan

janji dibawa kubur

mati dijalan

eneng hancur

mati dijalan 

eneng tertawa

mati dijalan

eneng menjadi gila 

nothing else to do

Arinda

NGAKAK SENDIRI JRIT HAHAHA

The Guy Who Loves to Ask Me RANDOM Questions

WTF??

No! God no, not that kind of pervert question like "Do you have a full body shave?" 

I even doubt he knows how girls panties look like. For i bet my fingers he never had laid any interest in any sexual related thing. 

So what random questions does he asks me?

Well, you can say, its a new ritual everytime we see eachother that he always has to ask me something. That ritual was not invented by moi nor him, but by the fact that i think he couldnt find someone to ask such a question and the other fact that i talk so much. So voila, a tutor lesson of life begins...

Yesterday, he randomly said (like all his random questions moment begins)

"i wish my eyes could sent laser beams, just like Cyclops in X-men you know," As you can see he has that bound with X-men and Cyclops we normal people would never understand.

and like almost always (hang from my mood) i answered him whether

1. "i wish i had wings so big and black i could fly around the earth in 4 seconds"

2. "I wish i was dead"

3. "I wish i could kill people merely by wishing"

this time i decided for the last option.

then the random round of the random questions begins....

"I feel like people dont respect me..."

"why so?"

"i dont know i just got the feeling,"

"you have to respect yourself boy, thats the only way.  You have to both respect other and respect yourself to be respected, you cant just go around wanting to be respected while you doubt yourself, like me i dont feel respected and i dont think i mind so im not going to change this shit state im in because i dont want to. If you so want to be seen you somehow have to see others, its life, life is shit, but thats the way it is, you give you receive something back, or if youre so damn unlucky you dont receive anyting back from that unthankful person, but at the end youll receive something. I think youre being respected, its just your guess, dont stuck on it, it'll just make you down. Dont worry about others were gonna die alone anyway"

"dont be so rude" random comment

"im not being rude, im just talking in a very fast English" random excuse, as you may notice im having my period.

Second random round of the random moment....

"hey, what do you know about gifts and curses?"

hmmm is this spiritual related shit or just random things which whatever i answered would slightly change his life? Either way i have to be careful

"what do you mean?" 

"You know, in Spiderman he once said, this is my gift and my curse,..." (he somehow manages to memorize that random quote from Spiderman)

"Aha,"

"so what exactly does he meant by that?" Dont you thing its so random asking random girl whos armpit is sweating about this so random topic?

"i think that, gift he refers to is the power that he has, his stregths, his capability to do justice and his chance to be a hero to human,"

"then whats the curse?"

"i think curse is a state of mind, its not only what the dukuns can do to you, but what yourself see as a bad thing in something. Like his good gift brings him badness, he cant not be with the girl he loves (refers to Mary Jane or something), he has to live a life full of secret and caution, he had lost his grandparents."

"So like with great power comes great responsibility, the grandfather of Spiderman said it"

"yeah because everything is two sided. Like ***** shes standing there, its a gift refers to her happiness laughing with other, might be a curse, he could be hit by a ball. See the connection?"

"yeah yeah now i understand,"

Then i had to translate the meaning of a random Spiderman Soundtrack by Yellow Card

no, his English is beyond excellent, he just didnt know the inside meaning of each word, like the feeling he felt etc.

You know, talking to him is so random, it is. Mostly about Cyclops and his dearest wish to buy eyeglasses just like him. But on the other hand, he inspired me randomly. Talking to him sometimes reveal a random side of me that i never had known it existed. 

He is so random and thats why i thank him so much.

For his randomness makes my day a little bit brighter.

I think im into random questions XD

Arinda