20 Truth About Me

I have been tagged for the 20 facts about me challenge on Instagram. But the things that I wrote wasnt everything. So I thought, since it is my public diary, I am gonna write things down and read them again in a couple of years and laugh about it.

1. I seriously hope this will not affect my career in the future (since your future employer can always google up your name and it might be dangerous, but just for your knowledge, despite all of these stupid facts here, I will work efficiently and professionally)
2. I planned my first murder when I was 3 or 4. I confessed my love to a guy (who was 20 years older than me) and got my heartbreak for the first time because he didnt love me the way I loved him (no shit Sherlock). The next day he introduced me to his girlfriend whose name I cant recall. I was so jealous that I asked my uncle to buy me a gun. He agreed (weirdly) and promised to buy it for me the next weekend. I waited and he didnt buy me a gun because he said it was expensive, so instead he bought me a rope and taught me how to make a slipknot. I thought it was useless, but then I realised it was genius, I said "great, now we can make it look like a suicide".
3. I poop in my pants once when I was in the 3rd grade, after I made fun of my friend who poop in his pants. My friends were complaining why the class smelled, I simply told them to pray to God.
4. I poop in my pants again in a wedding (I couldnt poo for a couple of days and drank some laxative). Through the whole wedding I didnt wear any underwear because I washed my pants and hid them in a window. But somebody managed to find it and screamed "WHOSE UNDERWEAR IS THIS?!"
5. I dont really need a super smart boyfriend, just a boyfriend who is not totally dumb because it will drive me insane. 
6. I want to have a lot of money so I can buy my family everything they want. Like a new guitar for my brother and everything else my mom and dad cant afford.
7. I want to have a lot of money so I can help my less fortunate relatives and give them a better life.
8. I want to have a lot of money so I can fix my legs.
9. I want to have a lot of money so I can fly to Africa and finally volunteer for UNICEF.
10. I secretly wish I was someone significant. I dont need to be famous and popular, I just want to make an impact but I do not know how (since I lack of talent and whatsoever).
11. I start talking when I was seven months old and was articulate by the age of two. I bullied older kids too, just because I can. They were scared of me. 
12. I was an evil child. I had to get what I want. I would break things to get what I want. That would explain fact number 2.
13. I do not speak perfect English, my German is super broken and sadly,  my Indonesian is not as good as you thought someone who is born here would be. Wow.
14. Most people think that I am an optimistic and happy child. I laugh a lot and cheer people up. But to be honest, I am pessimistic, all I see is darkness. I hate myself. I am useless. And I am not always happy, my heart is always restless and sometimes I scream for no reason. It is not like i enjoy pretending, I just dont want to explain to people what I really feel and I feel ridiculous.
15. My mom didnt want to touch me when i was a baby because she said she could see through my intestine and it crept her out.
16. Some people have the power to make me feel I am never going to be good enough for anything and in anything. 
17. I am not an evil child anymore. I accept that I cant always get what I want. 
18. I peep in my car twice. It was an emergency, I hold it for hours already. 
19. My hobby is to sleep. I am very lazy.
20. I love water so much that I wanted to be a marine biologist or a marine ecologist. I also wanted to be a doctor (for viruses and stuff). I used to like chemistry and biology. Was indifference towards math and wasnt good in physics. Later, I realised I have absolutely no talent for chemistry, I was better in physics than I though I was. And I do still love biology.  

Dear me in the future, 

when you read this, I hope you have achieved all your dreams and are a much more better person than you are now. I hope that you will never ever poop in your pants again.