Maybe.. (the most saddest excuse for a tittle)

Oh god i know no one reads my blog any more.

hey, maybe thats a great reason to write again.

3 posts ago, i think, the last post i wrote when i was in Cairo, i was reading through it quickly and wow, you wont believe what i felt, i felt like i was living in a dream. Nothing seems real anymore. Im not sure whether this is the dream or the cairo part is the dream, either way when the future comes and you flash back to the old days of your fucking boring past, you wonder, how the hell did i manage to get through that crazy asssucking days??? I thought i was gonna be dead by the end of the year.

Life is so random man, i swear to you. Maybe what i had is some kind of an enlightenment from the Lord whos trying to tell me the reason why we exist. Well, i dont have the answer yet, but trust me, that is the the first thing im gonna ask Him when i arrive at the heavens gate (when i arrive, but im sure ill go to Jahanam first, sad if you know it before you should know it)

Anyway, i was kinda innocent huh, saying "i was born decent" and bla bla bla, saying i wasnt mentally and physically ready. People dont have to be ready to make a funny step out of their dull life. You can have the life you want to live too, when youre courageous enough to face the sad truth that theres always gonna be Emma Watson whos gonna be above you in freaking everything.

Its starting to get harmful nowadays, ironic when i remember how i assured people that i only attract nice, nerdy and innocent human being. Ironic when i remember i dont like to wear dresses and frigging slut heels.

Ironic how i like my life now.

I could tell you everything. Every funny little scenes that happened to me, but trust me, you dont wanna know. Cause maybe you might be too close minded to understand, or in worst case you gonna tell everyone and i will be sent back to the last place i wanna be, Alaska, reading the Quran alone inside an ice cold igloo with no poster of nude Johny Depp.

are you confused and irritated?

Me too

Ironic kisses and hugs,

Arinda

Hallo

Saya sedang dikelas bersama teman2 saya. Pelajaran sekarang adalah Intro to PR dan teman2 sinting saya sedang 'chat dengan kertas' dengan orang anonymous kelas sebelas. bener2 deh.

tapi gue sayang mereka lho. i really love them. not that im cheap or something but it eassy for me to love friends!!

ah and my life s turning 180 degree. all the thing i dont do, i do it now in a constant sick proportion.

Im 17 and big enough :)

random birth in 1993

Well i owe some explanations of what happened this past weeks. Maybe in the next post, im not into talking about my stupid being.

Im 17. I keep repeating that stuff when i forget why the hell i should make a driver license. And why am i getting my own bank account. Also the legal age in Europe and America to be able to move out from parents four wall and cohabit with either opposite-sex partner or same-sex partner (a totally made up law, if im right then wow). They also made a movie about a 40-years-old-virgin (tittle: 40 years old virgin), poor ugly old man, lucky im a fresh 17 years old girl.

Anyway, im 17 and i have the right to love. 

Okay, i totally hate bullshits about couples who find themselves totally eternal, but i never said that this love i have would be everlasting. im just saying its very sweet. and i love to love this fucking pervert (private joke, i dont expect u to understand, dumbasses :p)

i decide to separate this ugly post with the one i wanted you to read,

Arinda

The Week

7th June 2010

This is the day all the struggling for that stupid psycho and sociology would be shown. Either by a good chance of not getting an U or a bad chance of getting an U. The day started like any other insomniac day i had in this last weeks. I slept very late, woke very early. and the fact that i found out that im not in the criteria of gifted children, might suffer from mania and dyslexia did not made my day brighter. 

I slept in the car like always and woke up in surprise when my dream were becoming more bizarre: my hair turned into mayonnaise with green things. I woke up saying "i want to puke" yeah and thats were it all started: the acid in my stomach plays crazy.

In the sociology exam were i just happened to open the book 2 and half hours ago, i found myself writing the centre number all wrong: EG099, where 099 suppose to be my old centre number in Indonesia (ID099). I didnt change it cause i couldnt find whats wrong with that until late in the evening.

2 hours before the psycho exam i had the chance to start reading about education. Fyi, in AL you shouldve at least do the syllabus in one year. i couldnt do it in 2 hours, OF COURSE NOT! 

But i couldnt rest my mind by thinking i totally deserted the education part, so at least i read some shit about it and revise schizophrenia and abnormal affect. And found out once again that im a good candidate for schizophrenia. Nice life. and the acid in my stomach couldnt stay in its place, i almost vomit but didn't because i just couldnt stand to explain people what was the matter with me.

Anyway, the shit part of somatoform disorder (the easiest therefore i skipped it) came and i couldnt answer so stupidly i did the diagnosing mental disorder which i totally hate and prayed that it wont come. Then i answer stuff about anxiety disorder because everything else that i learned never came. IRONIC. 

8th June

In the morning i got shouted by that random old bitchwitch.

"Are you arinda?"

"yes"

"Of course you are Arinda! Are you aware what youve done?"

"hmm no"

"Whats your ID number?" 

"1345"

"ah 1345 but yesterday it wasnt 1345"

"hah? yes it was"

"no! you write a totally different number,"

"how come? I dont remember"

"Thats what i wanna ask you! i almost wrote you absent! if my partner hadnt read your name! you wouldnt be able to get your grades,"

"Wow, i just remember writing the centre number wrong"

"just your centre number?!"

"yeah"

"You like to make up things, huh?!"

Miss this is an exam which i willingly risk years in prison if commit arson would actually stop it. I dont joke for an exam that had almost drain my brain and replace my kidney. I just dont joke. 

another reason why im sure i have dyscalculia or dyslexia. And i might suffer from hyperactive stomach acid.

9th June

very random, i forget about that day except i spent most of the day in front of simek and fell asleep whenever i feel my stomach is kicking me to hell.

10th June

Ah its yesterday! I had my farewell with Miss Samah my favorite german teacher whom i think loves me too and Miss Amal my principle who told me i was her favorite student. But of course they love me! Im a foreigner dammit not an Egyptian. The stomach acid thing got worst.

In the night i went randomly out with Auli, Yudi and Ka Aiman (the one that you can click in my 'escapes' links). I almost forget that boys are humans to except for their little birdie part that makes them a monster. kidding. I mean i spent 10 months believing that you can get pregnant by just looking at your opposite sex. So a random night out with 3 guys is kinda weird. 

The moral of that day was that i was not born to fit the high standard of any 'famous' society. I was born very decent and i will stay that way. Im mentally and physically not ready.

So i dont think AP would ever fall in love with me or the dream of meeting Vino G :'(

11th June

LAST EXAM! HOORAY! except that bad stomach tension, it went pretty well.

and i had to bring a book to the stage in the Cairo Opera. The procedure was me bringing a 2.5 kg heavy book to a random man and disappear. I wore an Aceh Sawerma Pants Traditional Clothes That Makes Me Looked More Shorter. 

I just realized i miss the adrenaline of performing on the stage :( and get applauded and the struggle to become as perfect as possible and THE AFTER PARTY! but hey! i so untalented i dont even belong to the audience. 

Then it hit me that i might miss Cairo (i know2 once again)

For just a few reasons like Bunga, Pinkan, Karina, Fully, Auli, Yudi, others that make me actually feel welcomed et al 

the et al was just some random typos lol 

And tomorrow is the 11th right?

Times so fast! Why do you have to hurry when i want it slower. Stupid time!

I wish i was Priscilla Ahn,

Arinda

Another random night

since no one read my blog, at least not those persons that i wish would care about my writings, i decided to tell something in this very boring night, where i should be.... yeah... learning... ah shit dont remind me of that ARGH!

Im in a stage of life that Freud might call the Genital Stage where my biggest pleasure should be gain by having heterosexual relationships...okay.... anyway, simple people just called that shit of psychodynamic approach as PUBERTY, so do I. 

So what happens in this stage: Conflicts. Yeah . Thats what most of the pubertans would like and love and seek and want and wish to experience. Dont tell me "we never like problems" you know that what makes your life life are problems that are actually eating your mental right?? RIGHT? 

Im just a 17 years old bitch who happens to be very bored and has nothing to do than talking about people, spreading gossips and watching porn (that last point was just a corny joke to enhance your mood). But i really do like to observe, yeah, somehow i care about my environment and thus, im kinda specialized in the subject of: how teenagers deal with life.

This is the result i had observe:

1. Teenagers LOVE to seek problems....

    What? Why? How come? Easy, just admit it to yourself. You could GOSH HAVE A NICE SIMPLE LIFE AND SAFELY GOING TO THIS BULLSHIT STAGE, but most of you (declude me, because im kinda passive toward the word: life) love to make everything so much complicated that its already is. You dont believe me? Of course not! Since when it is easy to admit that most of your problem is your own wish which will make your life plot seems so fake. You know it better than me teenage pals, you could have it so much simpler....

2. Teenagers LOVE to exaggerate problems.....

    HAH?? NO WAY! YES WAY JERKS. Thats what youre talented to do. Teenagers are like parasites. They exaggerate. If theres a problem (that they were wishing to have) they abruptly do it worst! By well, exaggerating. 

Example.... I have a friend who has a friend (im talking about my friend but i like to make it complicated [im still a teenager] so you wont know im talking about my friend), the friend told my friend a story, he absolutely told his friend very wise advices for his friend problems. Then my friend, he came to me all spoiled about his decisions consequences and will not hear that there are like zillions of people that have it worst than him, he wants to be the one whos suffering, he voluntarily create this fucking state of mind, HES EXAGGERATING! The point is, a teenager knows their friends is exaggerating, but they do not know: That they do it themselves. 

 .... okay2 im a teenager too, i admit, i do that stuff too....

3. Teenagers LOVE to show their problems

    Dont believe me? Check your twitter. 

4. Teenagers LOVE to fall in LOVE

    Tell me how many times did you say: I love you. How many nights did thought: He surely is the one. How many dirty thoughts you had about him??

5. Teenagers LOVE to fall out LOVE

    How many gallons of tears did you shed when you recognize he doesnt love you? Hmm, the real question is: how many lover did you have? how many of them did you actually love? how many of them did you lie to? How many of them lalalalala ask whatever you want, sky is your limit. But the point is: you LOVE to seek for other lovers, you actually adores you, worships you, feeds you,.... You fall in love to fall out of it, you fall out to just fall in love again.

6. Teenagers LOVE to think their current life is the ultimate life

     Meaning? Im not sure myself. Its just i know that teenagers love to think that their having the best years of their pathetic life, dont they? 

7. Teenagers LOVE to act mature

     OMG THIS IS SO TRUE! Like a friend of mine who got her first BF with 10, first a lil touch on her boobs with 11 and ultimate adult make out with 12. She thought, with 12 you should be very mature. I was 11 back then, and i was casted out for being very immature and childish. 

Well, this result might be bias and might contain personal interpretation therefore unreliable, but still you know that this point meets some people.

8. Teenagers LOVE to be unique

9. Teenagers LOVE to be einmalig

10. Teenagers LOVE to be special

6-8 is totally proven by Justin Bieber. Wait, how old is he? 7? Well hes not in puberty yet. Well then take Miley Cyrus as an example or the Jonas Siblings.

Actually this post is trash. I just wanted to share with you how much i need a guys attention! that i feel so unloved, unlovable, ignored, forgotten, lonely etc 

well yeah i still have a guy

but im still in puberty right? I can hallucinate problems, i have the right to claim whatever teenager right i might have. Because im 17.

Life is a long journey, puberty is just so short stop,

Arinda