What made me post this?
Well, 10 minutes ago i was wandering through my old blog and find myself wondering about my shitty Indonesian language and my very broken English. I cant even speak one language properly. But there are some posts that really got into me. I ask, was it really me who posted it? The posts sounded so delightful and happy, without any worry. And while reading through the old posts, i could picture the memory clearly in my head, and suddenly i miss them so much but it healed me at the same time.
I realize that writing really help me go through lots of things. When i read what happened years ago, i am then sure that it really happened, not just some delusional sick fantasy. Reading what you had write awakens memories and help you get through the day, thinking today may be the memory of a 27 years old me, and even if today was so bad, it will the yesterday of tomorrow and you don't have to really care about it anymore.
I wrote blogs, not be to read by someone else, but to be read by me one day. When i need something to hold on in crisis, that behind every dark cloud theres the sun, behind every dark shit days there will be better days and you would be very grateful you didn't commit suicide before.
It took a long time for me to realize that i write this things to share my happy thoughts, so that i can be happy when I'm sad, laugh when i cry; reading a solid evidence of life.
My days, are todays and I'm gonna try to write about my days, not about what happened long ago, sticking in the past is not healthy anyway.
Its so funny how simple things can inspire you while you were searching for complex reasons.
I, here now testify, to be the girl i used to be, to let me being happy
feeling alive too little too late,
arinda
Ps: im planning to make special posts about my puberty memory phase, it should motivate me to get more mature every day
1 comment:
Really touching :)
And same here-- Writing's not only a passion, but also a way to remain sane. :) - and art.
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